Learn to Love Myself

We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies


What is love? I still dont understand it , i do things what i love to do. But i also need to learn how to love myself, thats why i put that quote inside this blog story.

Today i enjoyed my extra day off because of queensday, i liked it walking around the city drinking a cocktail and relaxing in the shadow while others where enjoying the sun. So my best friend Enni told me that she broke up with her boyfriend, So she was kinda sober what i do understand because she always got bad luck.

Almost all of my friends got bad luck when it comes to love, i dont know why. In my eyes they are good people who always help others, but they just dont have luck in love.

Love makes me wondering, if we all really do need a partner to make us complete.. Wouldnt it be better to just stay alone? So they only person who can hurt u is yourself?

Learn to love myself will be one of the hardest things to do, i have an ideal fantasy about how life should look like, but thats not only because of fantasy or dreams or my past its also because of Culture.

Me Myself as an Asian-Dutch looks different than other Asian girls do. Most Asian girls got size XXS extra small just like my nieces on my mum side of the family, they all are just perfect. Kinda funny because when im standing next to them i look like a giant , but for a dutch person im quite normal I am 5,5 Tall and my size is Medium. But thats not normal for Asian people with a perfect size and type of body its just Culture what is different.

I looked different , i gained weight compraring to 3 years ago. I almost cant believe that i gained 16 pounds, so yes i do look different and people who saw me a long time ago are used to my old better look... kinda reacting shocking...

I Gained weight after me and my ex boyfriend broke up, i thought that food would comfort me and it did in the beginning. Right now im doing everything to loose weight, even go to the gym 4 days a week, but that isnt helping because my body is just changing... i eat normal sometimes to much junkfood but there are also days that i just dont eat....

I tried everything but not surgery of course, I cant afford that :)

Im giving it up, i cant be the old me anymore.. Its just not me anymore, so it does scares me when i look at old pictures and look at myself right now.

Im not as confident anymore, like i used to be.... But im trying to stay strong..

And love myself... i am still teaching myself what i deserve, people say that i have a good heart but of course only god can judge that...

I dont know what i deserve, the only thing i know is that i would like have some respect from people who love me... When i respect you, you should respect me back, and not turn around and hold yourself against me.. Thats just not fair your know!!!

I wish i could shout that out! But i Cant.... Its hard but im leaning from every mistake i have ever made, and every tear what is comming out of my eyes....

Im hiding behind my luxery handbags, sunglasses, trench coat ,clothing...... and some identities.....

I need to stay strong, thats the only way i can build my future with...me myself and I..with help from god... i can do anything!!!

Note to myself, everything is possible ....